Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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