my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
