He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
