I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
