Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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