my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
