We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
