I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
