I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
