you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
