Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
