i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
