He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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