Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
