He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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