i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Your cock deserves a montage
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
