it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
