I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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