she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
