I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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