Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
