Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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