forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i would punch a child for taco bell
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
