Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
