I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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