She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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