I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
