Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
