So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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