We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
