mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
