is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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