I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
