Whod you bang
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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