And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
