Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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