I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
