I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
