Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
