i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
