True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
