Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
