Ambien. No doubt about it.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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