Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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