Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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