I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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