Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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