Cold hands, warm shart.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
