How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
