I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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