so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
