I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
wow bdsm is so cute
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
